Hello, old friend.
I’m so sorry I haven’t written for some time. What happened? Life happened. Well, facebook happened. It whittles away at your time with so many little distractions that in the end you don’t come up with anything meaningful to show for your time. My cadence is off. My rhythm. I used to just be able to fire away at the keyboard and be quite happy with what I come up with. Several sentences into this paragraph and everything sounds bland and boring. It’s like being stuck in the mud. I guess, I just have to keep going and hope to muddle through this one.
I have a breaking heart. I’m losing someone I really like. Present tenses. It is happening as I type. I keep repeating over and over. Let it go. There’s no chance in hell it would have worked out anyway. I keep waking up hyperventilating and I start telling myself to just let it go. I’m afraid, it’s not as easy as clicking a delete button on facebook. And despite my wanting to let go, every time I see him, every time he tosses me a smile like someone tosses a dog a bone, my knees fold.
This is awful. Awful and embarrassing. You’d think by now I’d know how to do this. I know what to do with burns, with cuts, with sprains, or choking; but a breaking heart? What glue to use? Or tape? Or do you just take the biggest part you can save and throw the rest of it away? Maybe that’s what happens. You lose little parts of you everytime your heart breaks and you never get them back. Never. There’s a good idea for a short story. Maybe I’ll write that after this post.
This one has to end abruptly. And with these lines from Leonard Cohen’s Anthem.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.